Love Is.

It’s hard to believe that this will be my sixth Mother’s Day. It seems like yesterday that we celebrated the first one, when I was about five months pregnant with Danny. Some traditions have stuck, like going to Il Fornaio for brunch. Others have been added along the way, like Annie spilling the beans on all my gifts the week before.

Of course, my greatest gift is the fact that I get to be a mother. But I’ve also gotten to learn some interesting stuff along the way, things that have surprised, disgusted and delighted me. So, in honor of all you fellow moms out there and all your own lists of lessons learned, here is my current top ten. I hope you’ll share yours too.

1. Love begins pre-conception: The day that my husband and I agreed to have a child was the day I fell in love with Danny. Now, luckily, those two days weren’t far apart for me, but I think even for women who have to wait years to hold a baby in their arms, the minute you decide to be a mother, you become one. And every single second, every flutter in your belly, every trip to the bathroom, every time you gaze proudly at an ultrasound picture even though you have no idea what it is of, every single second that that second heart beat beats inside you, that love just gets stronger and stronger. And when that baby arrives, you already know him. Because from the time you decided you wanted to give your life to him, you have been one.

2. A decorative band-aid cures all hurts: Skinned knee, bruised ego, either way, if you whip out some Scooby Doo or Barbie band-aids, your child is instantly cured. I’ve been known to sport a princess or two myself, although they haven’t always been the best for work meetings.

3. Love really is patient and kind: I can’t even count how many weddings, including my own, where I have sat through that good old letter from St. Paul to the Corinthians, but until I had kids I never knew just how true it was. To make it as a parent, and as a family, you have to be more patient and kind than you often have any interest in being. And you wonder why dentists tell everyone they grind their teeth.

4. Girls are not easier to potty train than boys: I would still like to hunt down and punish every single person who ever told me they were.

5. Being a parent makes you a child all over again: There are so many things that I had forgotten that I love, from searching the beach for sea glass to taking a whirl on a Sit-and-Spin. There are also things that I have not forgotten which I have to work hard not to project—all those little embarrassing things that happen to you as a kid that stay with you, from friends no longer wanting to sit with you at lunch to someone making fun of your shirt. You want to save your kids from all of these hurts, but chances are your kids aren’t even worrying about anything yet, let alone the things that once worried you. So forget about the bad, and just re-enjoy all the good.

6. Let sleeping children lie: Never wake a kid up, let them get whatever sleep they need, no matter what the consequences are to your schedule. It’s worth it just to see those tiny bodies so soft and still, with their flushed cheeks, damp hair and loose limbs. Sit on their bed, they won’t wake, and listen to their soft breaths. It’s the most beautiful sound you’ll ever hear.

7. This too shall pass: This is advice that my mother has always given, in every kind of situation imaginable, and she’s right. Just when you think a situation can’t get worse, that a fever won’t break, that a baby won’t ever sleep through the night, that a child’s sadness won’t go away, things get better. There is always some new challenge around the bend, but there is also always a solution. Just try to remember, things really do always get better.

8. Yeast happens: In my household, kids’ yeast infections seem to happen a lot. As do ear infections. And random high fevers. And so on. Since March, there has been only one week when I have not been to the doctor’s office. So pick a pediatrician and staff that you absolutely love, someone you could imagine going to drinks with, because chances are that at some point down the line, someone at your doctor’s office will suggest that for the amount you see each other you might as well do just that.

9. There is no greater blackmail than co-ed sibling bathing: Someday, somehow, Danny and Annie’s time in the tub together will come back to haunt them. Sweet sixteen. Wedding, Graduation. I don’t know when it will be, but kiddos, Daddy and I are ready.

10. They really are always your babies: Jay turns one in just a week and I remember like it was five minutes ago the absolute feeling of joy and wonder when I first held him in my arms. And I remember every detail, every moment of Danny and Annie’s arrivals too. When I look at them all, when I hold them when they are close to sleep, I can see the same expressions that have been there from day one. Their bodies may be stronger, their vocabulary bigger, but I still can read them like a book. I alone notice when Annie’s stork bite, once so clear on her left eyelid, catches just the faintest blush of pink when she is on the verge of tears. I alone can judge how tired Danny is based on how he twirls his hair. I alone can comfort Jay when he wakes up in the middle of the night. And even when they are grown and have babies of their own, I will still know them better than they know themselves. I will still be able to soothe them, to hold them, to boost them up when they are down, and to remind them that this too will pass. Because no matter how they grow, I know the very essence of what makes them them. Because they are, now and always, mine.

And that is the greatest gift of being a mother. No matter how big they get or how old I become, I have three beautiful babies to call my own. And no matter what life throws my way, I am a mother. And I get to love and be loved.